


Ishipanythingwithtwolegsandisntstraight - Pressure

by keepcalmncarryon97



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bulimia, Eating Disorder, M/M, Niall Has An Eating Disorder, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-05
Updated: 2013-06-05
Packaged: 2017-12-14 01:55:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepcalmncarryon97/pseuds/keepcalmncarryon97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not Nialls fault that he tends to feels better when he’s empty. or Niall has an eating disorder and Harry's the only one that seems to notice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ishipanythingwithtwolegsandisntstraight - Pressure

 

 

  
 

 

 

  
  
  
 

##  [Pressure](http://hungrycurlyirishkittens.tumblr.com/post/52108983346/pressure)

 

 

 

Niall had expected to be caught sooner or later. It was inevitable. Just not like this.

Not in a dingy dirty fast food restaurant that probably broke several health code violations in the first stall alone. Not with snot dripping down his nose, and his forehead sweaty and his eyes puffy and red. Not with his head bent over the toilet and his finger jammed down his throat. And definitely not by Harry of all people.

He had expected it to be Liam. He’s seen and ignored the way his forehead creased with worry when Niall would excuse himself within two or three bites of his food.

_“You sick Ni?”_

_“Naw just full.”_

He hadn’t bought it. Niall knows he didn’t. But it was liam and he wasn’t going to push the subject.

He figured it might be Zayn. They’d always been the closest. Not to sound self-centered but everyone knew that when it came to Niall’s well being he could give Liam a run for his money.

_”Your lookin a bit pale Ni”_ he said pinching his cheeks affectionately. _“Ya eatin Ok?”_

Ignoring the way his heart froze he flashed what he hoped looked like an easy smile. _“I swear your worse than Liam sometimes”_ Zayn threw his hand over his heart in an overdramatic gesture of mock outrage and the moment was broken much to his relief. Though he hadn’t missed the tiny frown that tugged at Zayn’s face when he had evaded the question. But he let it go because it was Niall and his Nialler would never lie to him.

Or maybe even Louis. Louis had been there when Niall had had his first binge. Of course he hadnt known it was a binge. He remembers that he was having a particularly bad day or rather a bad month. With the tour and the signings, and the fans. The pressure has just kind of been building and he thinks he might burst. He’s cranky and not to mention hungry so later that day Niall had gone out and bought carts and carts of sweets. Ignoring the astonished look on the cashiers face as she scanned each item;and the way Louis eyes had nearly popped out of his sockets when he sat down on the couch and proceeded to stuff his face.

“ _Be careful Ni, all that food your gonna get fat.”_ he snickered. Because it was funny. But then again everything was funny to Louis. But he especially liked to poke fun at Niall and his ”love” for food.

_“Better hide your food guys. Here comes Niall”_

_“Niall’s not hungry!” Are you sure it’s not the apocalypse?”_

And everyone would laugh and so would NIall because he didn’t want to be the only one not laughing.

As he continued to eat out of the corner of his eye he saw the smirk on his face begin to fall.

_Ni maybe you should lay off the sweets a bit, yeah?_

And that just made him really fucking angry. Because who was he to tell Niall what he should and shouldn’t do. Despite what Louis might think he wasn’t fucking king of the world. He’s not fat. Is he? He doesn’t think so. No he’s not. He ignored Louis and just kept shoveling food into his mouth. He ate and ate and ate until he physically could not convince himself to take another bite.

_Ni you should stop. Your gonna make yourself sick._

_Why should I? I’m gonna end up fat anyway, Right?_

. And just out of spite he narrowed his eyes and stuck his chin out defiantly before shoving just one more French fry in his mouth. The shock on his face was priceless. Though he didn’t get to enjoy it for very long because just then Niall felt his stomach twist painfully and bolts to the bathroom emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. The stench was awful, his head felt like it’d been run through a brick wall and he felt like he could actually, quite literally die. But at that moment he had never felt better. There’s no pressure. He’s light almost as if he’s floating and it’s the loveliest feeling in the world. Light are brighter and everything’s a bit more clear and god he doesn’t no why he hasn’t done this before.

Later while lying in bed after being fussed over by Liam he hadn’t missed the hushed conversation between the boys in the kitchen.

_“I’m telling you he did it on purpose.”_

_He heard a snort of disbelief he thinks it might have been Zayn._

_“Sure Louis, He made himself sick on purpose. Honestly do you hear yourself? Definitely Zayn. ”_

_” I guess your right”_ Louis sounds unsure which is rare _._ And in some twisted way he was glad that he was the source.

“Looks like Louis loosing it guys.” Harry snickers. Louis gives an indignant squawk and there laughter and Niall knows its the end of the conversation.

It’s not like he’s purging per say. He only does it when everything just get to be too much. Media starts ragging on him specifically he throws up. When he got lonely when Louis was clinging to Harry and Liam and Zayn were caught in there own little world he throws up. When Niall just can’t take the back to back rehearsals day after day after day he throws up. They all have there own unique ways of dealing with stress. Zayn smokes, Louis and Liam go snog there girlfriends, Harry bakes, and Niall throws up. To make matters even better he’d even lost a few pounds. It was a win-win situation.

He hadn’t expected it to be Harry but then again it sort of makes sense. After Harry is the most observant of them all. He’s the one that’s been throwing him suspicious glances every time he leaves the bathroom. Harry’s the one that’s makes sure to put extra food on Niall’s plate during dinner despite the obvious look of disdain on his face.

“ _Eat up Ni, you look really thin._

_“At least drink some Orange juice”_

_“You look really pale.”_

_“I’m worried about you Ni’”_

_“Please eat something. For me?”_

That’s all been Harry. So yeah I guess it sort of makes sense.

  
In his mind there would be a scream, a moment of shock and then there would be demands that he get professional help. But Harry’s just staring at him really intensely like he’s trying really hard to figure Niall out. He can practically hear the gears in his head shifting and clicking into place. Harry’s eyes go really wide and Niall thinks he gets it, like really get it. Niall closes his eyes and prepares himself for the screaming and maybe a slap or two. But there’s none of that. No harsh looks of betrayal or questions that he won’t be able to answer.

There’s just Harry. calm, understanding, sweet, perfect Harry. With his arms wrapped around Niall whispering sweet nothings in his ear and telling him how beautiful he is. He finds it a bit funny because he’s in a disgusting stall with vomit staining his fingers and chin and Harry’s telling him how beautiful he is and Niall can’t help but laugh except now he’s wishing he didn’t because it comes out as a sob. He’s crying big fat tears and he feels like his heart is actually literally breaking in two. He’s getting snot and vomit on Harry’s nice new button up shirt and he’s afraid Harry might let him go but he doesn’t. And he’s so grateful because he thinks that if he did Niall would break into a million pieces. Harry just rocks him back and forth and holds him even tighter.

“ _Its just too much sometimes”_ Niall is shaking and crying so hard he can barley understand himself.” Harry just nods his head in understanding and pecks him on his forehead lovingly.

“ _It’s Okay”_

_“I’ve got you”_

_“Just hold on to me babe”_

“ _We’ll get through this together”_

Harry’s arms are long and his body’s large and warm and strong. And he feels safe and secure for the first time in long time. And maybe just maybe they can get through this.

Maybe

**_A/N: I’m not sure If I should just leave this or continue?_ **

 

 

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